Touch
by ShadowKat-Shidobukatsu
Summary: It was not Fili's fault that he looked so much like his father and uncle. Such as it was not his fault that they were both gone, and he was left to linger and remind his mother and uncle what they had lost.
1. Chapter 1

When Fili was born, the house of Durin rejoiced. After so many years of heart-ache and toil, there was finally a little light that shone in the darkness.

A light that began to flicker as time passed.

That is not to say that the Durins were ever neglectful to the heirs to the throne. No. But for a dwarfling growing up with the appearance of those loved, but long lost, it was difficult.

~

"Uncle Thorin!"

Thorin smiled lightly at the excited chirp of his nephew while shrugging his travelling cloak off his shoulders. He jerked a little when he felt small arms wrap around his legs, looking down to find Fili's beaming grin staring up at him. He couldn't help the skip of his heart when the openness of his nephew reminded him so easily of his younger brother, making his chest ache.

"Hello, little one," he murmured, carefully prying Fili's arms from around his legs, ruffling the dwarfling's hair with a tired smile. "Is your mother about?"

Fili frowned lightly when he was pushed away from his uncle, but shrugged it off easily enough at the mention of Dis. He smiled happily, dragging his uncle by the hand to the den where his mother was reading.

~

"Mother! Mother? May I hold the baby?"

Dis looked down at the eager face of her eldest son as she finished dressing Kili, shaking her head slightly with a pained smile on her face, Fili's beaming smile reminding her far too easily of the face of his father.

"When you get a little bigger, sweet heart," she hummed, pressing a kiss to his forehead as she carried Kili out of the room.

Fili huffed quietly, folding his arms over his chest.

~

"How come I never get carried, like Kili?" Fili asked, half jogging to keep up with his uncle and mother as they made their way through the markets.

Dis and Thorin exchanged quick glances, Dis taking her turn to smile softly at her son. "Because you are much bigger than Kili, darling, so you can walk on your own," she supplied, hoping it would appease the child.

Fili scowled lightly, wrapping his fingers in his mother's cloak so he would not accidentally be left behind, should his mother and uncle decide to move away while he was catching his breath. He really didn't understand their logic, though. Kili was five, and he was ten. When he was five, Mother had him walking on his own. It really wasn't fair.

~

"Mother! Come see!"

Dis chuckled at the excited shout from the living room, rolling her eyes at Kili's enthusiasm over the littlest of things. "I'm coming, dearest," she called back, setting down her sewing to find out what her sons was shouting about.

She was not prepared, however, for the sight that greeted her upon entering the den. Apparently the boys had found the trunk that housed all of the mementos of their father that Dis simply couldn't bear to part with, the two having pulled most of the belongings out and scattered them across the floor of the den. Nothing was broken, though, the boys having obviously realized that the trunk was full of precious items. She could not, however, simply ignore Fili with his fathers mining helmet on his head, and mining pick thrown over his shoulder.

"Fili is a miner!" Kili declared to his mother, giggling even as Fili noticed the distraught look on his mother's face.

"Mother?" Fili murmured, setting the pick down and carefully taking off the helmet, "I, we didn't break anything, I promise! We were really careful!"

Dis shook her head a little, sucking back tears that threatened to make themselves known, forcing a wavering smile to her lips for her children, before shaking her head and fleeing the room, Fili taking a hesitant step forward as she left.

"What was that all about?" Kili grumbled, picking up the helmet and twirling it between his hands.

"I don't know," Fili replied quietly, his heart aching for the pain that had been on his mother's face.

~

Fili sniffed back fat tears as he stumbled home, very nearly falling in through the back door into the kitchen once he'd gotten there. He stumbled over to a kitchen chair, his uncle looking up from a book he'd been reading, startled by the state of his nephew.

"Fili? What happened?" Thorin asked in a rush, getting up and moving around the table to inspect his nephews wounds.

"I-I was climbing trees with some of the other boys," he muttered, rubbing tears away from his cheeks, "and I slipped on a high branch and fell."

"Fili," his uncle sighed, placing a gentle hand atop the boys head for a moment, before getting up to fetch the first aid kit from the upstairs bathroom.

"Can I have a hug?" he whispered once Thorin was back downstairs, his uncle giving a small start at the question.

"Come now," Thorin murmured, wrapping Fili's cuts and smearing oinment over the bruises, "You're a bit old for that, aren't you? You'll be fine."

Fili nodded at his uncle's words, heading up to his shared room with Kili once he was patched up. His brother sprung from his bed once he'd seen Fili, rushing forward to look over the freshly treated wounds.

"Did someone jump you?" Kili accused, scowling as a particularly nasty looking scrape across Fili's cheek. The blonde smiled at the concern his brother showed, shaking his head.

"No. I fell out of a tree," he muttered, scuffing the floor with the toe of his boot, before letting out a startled sound as Kili pulled him into a hug.

"Then don't climb anymore trees. The ground obviously doesn't like you much."

A laugh was startled out of Fili at his brother's words, the blonde hesitantly wrapping his arms around his brother to return the hug, letting out a contented sigh.

~

Fili grinned as he draped himself around his brother's shoulders, leaning his weight into the back of the chair Kili was sat on, earning a swift swat from the younger.

"Get off me!" Kili snapped, turning to shove a chuckling Fili away, the blonde disregarding the heavy scowl on his younger brother's face.

"What's the matter with you? Someone piss in your porridge this morning?" Fili teased, leaning his hip against their shared desk, which Kili was seated at.

"No," Kili all but snarled, glaring up at his brother, "I'm just tired of you always using me as a giant stuffed doll. Honestly, must you always be in my space?!"

Fili frowned at his brother's outburst, taking a couple of steps back away from the desk. "Sorry," he muttered, clearly affronted.

"You should be," Kili snapped, turning to face the blonde, "God, Fili! People are going to start thinking you're funny, the way you keep draping yourself all over anybody who'll let you!"

The blonde stared wide eyed at his brother, before lower his gaze to the floor, his fingers curling into his palms as he wavered in the room for a moment. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, voice strained, before turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Kili watched his brother leave, before all but slamming his head down onto the desk, guilt suddenly welling up in his chest at the look of utter dejection of Fili's face.

~

Fili leaned back against the tree he'd finally stopped running by, sliding down the rough bark to flop into the grass. He choked back frustrated tears, rubbing angrily at his cheeks. He didn't understand why, no matter what he did, or who he talked to, no one wanted him around. His mother, when she did look at him, would have a pained look in her eye, as though Fili's very presence hurt her. Thorin, though stand-offish with just about everyone he met, made a particular point to avoid looking directly at Fili whenever they were in the same room together. He hadn't noticed at first, but as he was getting older, he couldn't help but see how Thorin would be looking at a book, or out the window, or even at Kili when they were speaking. And now Kili didn't want him around, either. At least, not if he was going to show any sort of affection, it seemed.

He sucked in a few deep breaths, burying his face into his knees. Perhaps it would be best if he simply left. No one wanted him around anyway, so what was the point in staying? They would all be better off if he simply disappeared.

Thus, Fili decided, he was not going back home.

~

"What have we here?"

Fili had been on the road for a little more than a week, surviving only thanks to the few hunting skills his uncle had taught him when he was younger, and a barely passable knowledge of edible plants that he'd once read in a book. He was tired, hungry, and dirty, and the last thing he wanted to deal with was some highway robber or kidnapper to try and attack him.

When he looked up, however, it was into the face of a gently smiling hobbit, who held a book under his arm, and a pipe in his free hand.

"I don't believe I've seen you around here before," the hobbit said, settling himself in the grass next to Fili, "Nor do I believe you are a hobbit. So, master dwarf, do you wish to tell me your name?"

Fili scrunched up his nose a little at the hobbit, huddling in on himself a little. "If I choose not to?" he asked petulantly, wary of the other.

"Well," the hobbit hummed, flashing Fili a small smile, "then I'll simply have to call you blondie."

Fili sputtered in disbelief, before being overcome by a short fit of giggles. "Blondie?" he gasped, laughing into his hands. "No, please no," he snorted, shaking his head, "My name is Fili. At your service." He inclined his head a little, offering the hobbit a tiny smile.

"Bilbo Baggins, at yours," the hobbit replied, "And since you appear to be a little on the lost side, I'll let you know that you're in Hobbiton, right near my home, Bag End. Matter of fact, you're actually on the land just bordering my yard."

"Oh," Fili murmured, tucking one of his messy braids behind his ear, "Am I trespassing? I apologize, I meant no offence."

"Not at all," Bilbo hummed, looking over the state of the young dwarf before him, "Though, I will say, the state of you may be considered offensive to some. Are you with anyone?"

Fili bit his lip and quickly shook his head, looking away from the hobbit. "No. I'm alone," he murmured, tucking his knees to his chest, "No one wanted me at home, so I left."

Bilbo clicked his tongue, figuring that the dwarf still appeared to young to be travelling on his own as such. Someone would be around to pick him up soon though, certainly. So, in the mean time. "Would you, perhaps, like a warm bath and some food? You look as if you need it."

Fili perked up considerably at the offer, watching the hobbit with a mix of gratitude and surprise. "If I would not be imposing? I would greatly appreciate it!"

Bilbo chuckled, slinging an arm around the young dwarf, Fili starling at the action, though the hobbit seemed not to notice. "Not all all, Fili. Not at all."

~

"You could probably give a hobbit a run for their money, with how much you eat."

Fili looked sheepish at Bilbo's comment, setting down the cookie he'd picked up to eat, only to be scolded and a fresh plate of scones set on the table before him.

"None of that. Eat as much as you like. I'm just glad to see you cleaned and well fed. You said you were on the road for about nine days?" Bilbo prompted, hoping to get more of a story out of Fili, seating himself with a cup of tea while the dwarfling nibbled on a scone.

"Yes. About nine. I sort of left home without much forethought, which was a poor idea, I'll admit. I had a knife in my pocket, though, and enough string for a couple of rabbit traps, as well as an idea of what plants I could eat," Fili supplied, pausing to take a drink of water.

"No wonder you were so starved," murmured Bilbo in mild amazement, knowing he'd never be able to manage on so little.

Fili simply shrugged, though, going back to his scone. "I was taught when I was very young how to take care of myself, should I ever get lost," he stated simply.

"All right, so then. If you don't mind me asking, what, precisely, made you think no one wanted you at home, and made you run off into the wild blue yonder?"

Fili sighed and set his half eaten scone aside, worrying his lip before speaking. "My mother and uncle love me, I know they do. But, whenever my mother looks at me, it is with such great sadness that I cannot bear to be in her presence. I do not know what has caused the pain in her eyes to be there, but all I know is that it is never present when she looks at anyone else. My uncle is not cold to me, of course, but he will not even make eye contact with me, and he avoids being in a room alone with me. Again, I do not know what has transpired to make him act thusly, so I can do nothing to fix it. And, finally, my brother no longer wishes for my affections. He was the only one I could speak to freely in my home, and the only person who actually let me touch them without shying away. I know it sounds silly, but without that, I could not stay in that house. It was…"

"Lonely."

The blonde startled slightly, looking up to find Bilbo staring at him with sad eyes, much like when his mother looked at him. But he could tell the hobbit was not looking at him, but into another time, perhaps.

"Yes," Fili murmured, ducking his head a little.

Bilbo blinked and came back to himself, rising from his chair to move and squeeze Fili's shoulder, offering him a warm smile. "You can stay here as long as you need."

"I wouldn't wish to impose!" Fili began to object, Bilbo silencing him with a wave of his hand.

"My home is large enough that I doubt I'll even notice you taking up space," he smirked at the smile that formed on Fili's face, "I insist."

"Thank you, master Baggins," the blonde murmured, setting his hand over the hobbit's, which still rested on his shoulder.

"Think nothing of it, lad."

~

"Am I doing this properly?"

Fili had been at Bag End for nearly a month, which had made Bilbo worry. Not because he disliked having the dwarfling around, of course. The blonde was extremely helpful around the smial, and jumped at any chance to go with the hobbit to the markets, or even simply be in his company while they both enjoyed quiet activities. No, what worried the hobbit was a lack of anyone looking for the lad.

"Yes, actually, quite nicely," Bilbo hummed, watching Fili pull carrots from his garden for that nights supper, smiling at the enthusiasm the dwarfling had for any and all things he could actively get his hands on.

"So, once we have the carrots, all we'll need is to pick some beans for supper, right?" Fili asked, turning a bright smile to Bilbo, only for the hobbit to give him a questioning look as it disappeared as quickly as it had formed.

Bilbo turned around to find what Fili was staring at so forlornly, to find another dwarf standing at his gate. This one was obviously an adult, given his height, and the grey streaks peppering his long black hair.

"Fili," the dwarf rumbled, stepping through the gate and walking up towards the garden.

"Uncle," the blonde whispered, rising to his feet, as if to meet his uncle, but Bilbo stepped back and in front of the blonde dwarf. He was most certainly going to have words with this uncle of Fili's, if he let the lad run off for more than a month. The Shire was not so far away from Ered Luin.

"You must be the infamous Uncle Thorin I've heard about," Bilbo said cheerfully enough, but there was steel in his gaze that made the older dwarf pause in his approach.

"That I would be," Thorin rumbled, casting a curious gaze over the hobbit.

Bilbo folded his arms over his chest, giving an indignant sniff, before turning to Fili. "You finish up in the garden, all right? I'm going to have words with your uncle over some tea."

Fili offered Bilbo a small, thankful smile, before nodding and gathering the basket of vegetables he'd been collecting and moving around the side of the hill to where the bean plants were.

"Where is he going?" Thorin asked, taking a sharp step forward, glaring at the hobbit.

"Nowhere," Bilbo snapped, returning Thorin's glare full force, "But yo and I are going to go inside, and I would like to have a chat with you, master dwarf."

Thorin looked a little cowed at the authoritative tone the hobbit took with him, startling into movement as Bilbo swept past him and into the smial.

"Now," Bilbo hummed, bustling about to make tea, leaving Thorin awkwardly in the doorway, the dwarf unsure as to whether he was entirely welcome or not. "First off, I want to say that your nephew is a lovely boy, and he has been nothing short of a pleasure to have around."

Thorin gave a tiny nod, finally deeming himself allowed to enter, moving to seat himself at the kitchen table.

"And secondly, I'd like to know why in the name of all that is green and good on this middle-earth, has it taken you over a month to finally get your butt out here to find him?" Bilbo seethed, sliding a cup of tea across the table for Thorin, the dwarf having to catch it quickly, before the hot liquid ended up on his lap.

"I have been looking since we realized he was missing," the dwarf grumbled, setting his tea down properly, flashing the hobbit a frown.

"And when was that?" Bilbo snapped, smacking his hand onto the table, "He has been here for near six weeks! He told me you only live just outside Ered Luin! That is a mere seven day trip away!"

Thorin actually looked a little abashed by the comment, looking down at the steam rising from his cup. "We believe he had been gone for at least two days before we realized he was not coming back."

"Two-How did you not notice?!"

"Fili was taught from a young age how to take care of himself. His brother told us they'd had a fight, so we knew he would not be coming home that night, perhaps not even the next day. His mother did not begin to worry until the second night, and the third day I left to try and find him."

"That still does not explain the extra four weeks," Bilbo growled, folding his arms over his chest.

"Hobbiton is not the only town I had to search," Thorin said defensively, "I had to check every village and town for him between here and there. Not to mention scouring the woods, in case he had camped out anywhere."

Bilbo sighed, leaning against one of the kitchen chairs, head bowed for a moment, before he looked sharply back up at Thorin. "Do you know why that boy ran away?"

"I already told you," Thorin grunted, rolling his eyes, "He had a fight with his brother."

"No," Bilbo huffed, "That was simply the last straw. He's told me about how you won't go near him. How his own mother looks pained whenever she sets eyes on him. That boy left because your house is cold. Perhaps not intentionally, but you all drove him out. He did not feel welcome with his own family."

Thorin looked utterly floored by the hobbit's accusation, before scowling fiercely. "We all love Fili. I think of him as my own, and have taken care of him as such since his father died."

Bilbo startled a little at that, looking pensive, before realization seemed to dawn on his face. "So," he mused, "is that why?" He paused, glancing at Thorin out of the corner of his eye, before sighing. "Tell me, did his father have blonde hair? And a rather striking nose? Blue eyes?"

Thorin frowned, but nodded.

"Does he look like anyone else in your family?"

"He has a baring very close to my late brother. Why do you ask?"

Bilbo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, before glaring at Thorin. "Stop treating your nephew like he is the ghost of your family, that's why I ask!"

Thorin looked affronted, rising from his seat to tower over the hobbit. "What, exactly, are you accusing me of?"

"I'm accusing you of seeing your brother in that boy and trying to forget! He knows you avoid looking at him, and now I know why. Stop treating him like he's some sort of-of shadow of your brother. He's not. He's his own person, and deserves the full support and love of his family. I know you probably never meant to hurt him, but he is in so much pain. I could barely believe it, with how young he is, but it's so very easy to see in him."

Thorin swallowed thickly, turning at the small noise from the doorway, signalling Fili had come in with the vegetables.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," he murmured, ducking around his uncle, not looking up until he was next to the hobbit, offering the full basket. "I hope that's enough."

"Plenty," Bilbo hummed, giving the boy a short hug, which all but made Fili's face light up, before he glanced at his uncle and ducked his head once more.

"Fili," Thorin swallowed back a lump in his throat at realizing for the first he hadn't seen his nephew smile like that in years. Not since he had been very small. It hit him hard in the chest, like a mattock to his heart.

"Yes, uncle?" the blonde asked, not meeting his uncle's gaze.

"I am sorry," the king murmured as he moved to tug Fili into a loose embrace, his nephew stiffening in the hold, before ever so slowly relaxing and gingerly returning the hug.

Bilbo let himself smile at the little family revelation, sighing contentedly, before scooping up his basket and setting about preparing supper.

"Well then, you lot," he chirped, quite pleased at himself for helping the dwarf family come to at least one resolution, "you'd better help me with this if you want to eat tonight."

His declaration was followed by a chipper response from Fili, and a rather disgruntled and confused one from Thorin.

For now, though, that was enough.


	2. Chapter 2

Bilbo ruffled Fili's hair affectionately as the dwarfling slung a borrowed pack over his shoulders, much to the younger's chagrin as he tried and failed to duck his head away from the gesture.

"Bilbo," Fili whined, though the wide grin on his face easily belayed the fact that he enjoyed every moment of the hobbit's affection.

Bilbo simply chuckled at the blonde, tugging him into a tight hug, before taking a step back. Fili's demeanor had changed very much for the better since Bilbo had found him not far from his back yard, huddled under a tree, looking as if his entire world had come crashing down around his head.

"You take care of yourself, all right?" the hobbit hummed, patting the blonde on the shoulder, and offering a warm smile.

"I shall," Fili nodded, unable to resist the urge to pull Bilbo into one last hug.

"And, promise me, if you ever find yourself feeling like before, or even if you simply want to get away, you come here, all right? My door is always open to you," Bilbo insisted, waving a hand when Fili opened his mouth to protest.

The young dwarf let his jaw shut with a click, smiling tearfully at the hobbit, before bowing deeply. "Your hospitality has meant the world to me," he said quietly, casting one last sad smile at the hobbit, before turning to join his uncle near the front garden gate. He couldn't help but continuously turn to wave at Bilbo as they walked until they'd finally rounded a bend, and Bag End was out of sight.

~

"I am sorry for running away," Fili murmured that night as he sat in front of the small fire his uncle had built to roast some fish he'd caught in the small nearby creek.

Thorin glanced up at his nephew from cooking the fish, letting out a quiet sigh at the dejected look on Fili's face. They had spoken little on their journey so far, and it was none but Thorin's fault for it. Years worth of habit was hard to break, but he was trying hard to do just that. Especially knowing that his actions caused his nephew to feel so alone in the world.

"I know you are, lad," Thorin murmured, shifting to sit next to the young blonde, turning the fish over the fire, "I know." He threw an arm over Fili's shoulder, tugging him into his side and pretended he didn't notice as the young prince's shoulders began to shake as tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

~

"Fili."

The young blonde shrunk a little and half ducked behind his uncle at the hushed sound of his name, glancing up to see his mother looking teary eyed and like she hadn't slept in a week.

"Fili," she repeated, hurrying forward as Fili stepped out from behind his uncle, keeping his gaze firmly on the ground as his mother paused in front of him. He froze a little at the feeling of her work rough fingers brushing through his hair, finally daring to look up to see fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

"My baby," she whispered, tugging him to her chest, rocking him a little as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her to return the gesture. "I thought I'd lost you, too," she murmured into his hair, making his chest ache for the pain he put his mother through.

"I'm sorry, mother," he muttered, letting his clinging fingers slip out of the material of her dress as she pulled away from him.

Dis took a moment to compose herself, hastily wiping tears from her face, before placing her hands on her hips. "As you should be," she huffed, wagging her finger at Fili, "You had us all worried sick! You have no idea what we've been through since you disappeared-"

Fili hazarded a glance up when his mother abruptly cut herself off, watching in curiosity as Thorin stopped his sister's rant, and murmured something to her too quietly for the blonde to catch. Dis' breath seemed to catch in her throat at whatever she'd been told, though, and she turned sad eyes on her son.

"Well," she finally sighed, shaking her head a little as she moved to loop her arm through Fili's, tugging him along into their house, "You're home now, and safe. I suppose that's all that matters right now."

Fili shot his uncle a curious look, only to receive a small smile in return.

~

"Fee!"

Fili nearly fell over once he'd finally made it up to his room, after his mother had insisted one stuffing him full on honey cakes and milk, when he was all but bowled over by his brother.

"Kili! Mahal! Get off me!" the blonde gasped, splayed out across the floor, his brother covering a good chunk of his person with his own bulk, face hidden in his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry I yelled at you," Kili said quickly once he'd pulled himself up and off his brother, offering a hand to help pull Fili back to his feet.

Fili grunted as he grabbed his brother's hand and hoisted himself up onto his feet, brushing dust and dirt off his backside once he was righted. He frowned for a moment at Kili, who looked contrite, before grinned and yanking his brother into a hug.

"It's all right, Kee," he hummed, releasing his brother and grabbing the pack he'd gotten from Bilbo, "I get that I was being a little clingy. I'm sorry for that. You need your space."

Kili stared at his brother for a long moment, before moving to sit on the edge of Fili's bed, watching the blonde tug small memento's he'd gotten from Bilbo out of the pack. "Where did you go?" the brunette finally asked as Fili pulled yet another book from the bag.

"I wound up in the Shire," the blonde replied, smiling fondly as he lined the books up on a shelf, "I met a very kind hobbit there, named Bilbo. One day, I'll take you to go meet him. He let me stay with him, and sort some things out."

Kili allowed a small, lopsided smile grace his lips, enjoying simply watching his brother bustle about with a smile on his face. It had been a rare thing, before, to see a smile on the blonde's face that hadn't been put there by the brunette himself.

"I think I will have to meet this hobbit," Kili hummed, laughing as Fili swatted him with a pillow.

"It wasn't like that, you troll," Fili huffed, rolling his eyes.

"I never said anything of the like," Kili defended, cackling as he was hit with another pillow, ducking his head and running from the room as Fili swore he'd smother him in his sleep.

Fili sighed happily once his brother had left the room, setting his pillows back on his bed. He looked up and out the window at the bright blue sky, humming contentedly to himself. He would take it as a sign. A good omen that the worst was behind him.


End file.
